fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
