What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
