omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want her autograph on my taint
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
