I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
