chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
