the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
