Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
