i think my tv is drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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