What did we do last night that was yellow?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
