He uses pillows to masturbate.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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