the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
