dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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