I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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