What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
