Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
