My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
