dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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