just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
