whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
