Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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