You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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