No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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