I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize