I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
