butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
