i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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