Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize