why do cheetos always look like penises
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
