I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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