She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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