you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
