You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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