i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
