no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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