I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
even my farts smell like vagina
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
