at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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