He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my sisters under your porch take her home
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
