The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
