That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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