I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
