Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize