So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
