Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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