I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
