fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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