Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
