Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
