Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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