I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
