remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
