the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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