Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
