see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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