the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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