it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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