Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
