your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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