She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
