My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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