dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
