Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize