sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
