Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
