Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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