his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
