those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
