Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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