shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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