ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
