Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
